Who Ate My Taco?
by Lacy.Likes.Pie
Summary: Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. Mary had a little lamb. And Jasper had a taco. Series of one-shots. Don't judge me. FINALLY COMPLETE! finally.
1. Who Ate My Taco?

A/N: so… its about 2:00 in the morning and im REALLY bored…. So I wrote this. Enjoy. Its not very good…. Its just a bunch of random stuff I typed up

Who ate my taco?

_Okay,_ thought Jasper as he walked through the arena of the 13th annual Hunger Games. _Who ate my fucking taco?_ He had had a Choco Taco in his backpack until. . . .

Jasper vowed to find the taco thief and rip his throat out.

Jasper walked and ran and climbed and skipped through the thick jungle that was the arena. He could smell the taco thief, and was hot on his trail. On the way, he ran into the tribute from district 8.

The tribute shot an arrow at Jasper. Jasper didn't think this was very nice.

"Freeze!" said the tribute. "Or I shall neuter you!"

Jasper made a confused look appear on his face.

"Why neuter me?" he asked.

"Oh," said the tribute, lowering his bow. "Should I spay you instead?"

Jasper shook his head.

While continuing his quest to find the taco thief, Jasper thought about how good the tribute from district 8 tasted. Yum. Jasper licked his lips. He hoped the taco thief tasted even better.

He could smell the taco thief really clearly, now. He smelled of chocolate. Jasper felt overwhelming sadness for his taco. It was his teeth that were supposed to bite into it. It was his tounge that was supposed to taste the chocolatey delisiousness of that poor stolen taco.

Jasper also felt sad for himself, too. Now he would never get to taste that taco. Didn't they know how long it took him to get that taco? Two seconds. It pained Jasper to think of how long he'd waited for that little piece of heaven in a shell. Jasper didn't think he'd be able to wait as long as he did. Two seconds. Whew.

Jasper was now seeing little pieces of taco shell on the rain forest floor. He bit back tears. Poor little taco. It was being tortured by someone else's mouth.

When Jasper was in the heart of the jungle, he heard someone munching on a taco.

His taco.

He peeked between the trees to see the two tributes from district 7 sitting there. The girl was eating something.

O.

M.

F.

G.

IT.

WAS.

HIS.

FUCKING.

TACO.

Jasper stood there, shocked by what he was looking at. Bella, the girl from district seven, was eating his taco.

SHE WASN'T WORTHY.

"You be eating my taco?" Jasper said.

Both Edward and Bella looked up. Edward made a weird hissy noise. "Don't eat my Bella!" he said.

"But she ate my taco," Jasper explained.

Edward looked appalled. "She did what? But she isn't worthy!"

"I know, RIGHT?"

"IKR. She not be worthy of that chocolatey goodness. You can be eating her." Edward skipped away.

Licking his lips, Jasper pounced.

_Mmmm,_ he thought. _Tastes like chocolate._

A cannon went **BOOM.**

**A/N: well, that's it for tonites randomness. Later, people.**


	2. Return of the Taco

A/N: Since a lot of people seemed to like Who Ate My Taco, I decided to write a second part. Enjoy.

* * *

**Return of the Taco**

Jasper trudged through the jungle, thinking of his poor taco.

Stupid Bella. That bitch. She ate his taco! Uncalled for.

He had avenged his taco, but he still felt an empty spot inside. It was in his tummy. A spot that one Choco Taco could fill.

Then he smelled it.

A Choco fucking Taco.

Score!

And it seemed to not be in someone's tummy!

Perfect!

Jasper walked and skipped and jumped and tap-danced towards the wonderful smelling taco.

There was a clearing in the woods. In the exact middle of the clearance, there was a five-foot-tall pedestal with none other than the Choco fucking Taco on top.

Yes! Jasper thought. Almost there!

"Ohmigod!" a voice said from another part of the clearing. "A Choco fucking Taco!"

Aw fuck. There was someone else after this taco, too.

Face-palm.

"Who be there?" The voice said.

"I be Jasper!" said Jasper. "And that be my Choco fucking taco!"

"Oh no you di-idn't! I be Victoria, the totally awesome tribute from district 1! And that's MY TACO!"

Oh no she di-idnt. That was Jasper's taco.

In a split second, a ginger girl with wild hair was in his face. "Leave now or I'll kick you all the way to Utah!" she snarled.

"No!" yelled Jasper. "I don't want to be a sister-wife!"

"Then GET OUT! RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGEEEEE!"

Geez. Bitch needs an anger management class.

Then Jasper realized something. He couldn't hit a girl! How rude.

Time for a sex change.

"Here," said Jasper, taking out the sex change pills he had conveniently brought with him. "Take these. They'll help with your major PMS." He handed her the pills.

The ginger named Victoria looked confused. "What?"

Jasper sighed. "Well… you major emotions be totally messing with my chakras. So take these and we'll continue in a week?"

ONE WEEK LATER

Victoria's face was a mask of pure rage. "You made me grow a dick!" she (or was it he?) screamed.

Jasper nodded. "So now I can hit you," he explained, slapping the heshe across the face.

Victoria cried out in rage. Too bad Jasper didn't have PMS pills. "Suck my balls!"

They kicked and punched and sneezed and farted and burped their ABC's until only one winner emerged.

James, the guy from District 1.

Shiznuggets.

"Ha ha ha!" James exclaimed. "I be the winner!" He took the taco down from the pedestal, making a battered and bruised Jasper cringe.

Not again!

"Nooooo!" screamed Victoria. He/She really needed those PMS pills now, Jasper thought. "Its….my….taco….!"

And he/she melted, right then and there.

Geez.

"Now, I will make you watch me eat this taco!" said James. "Cringe as I taste the chocolatey—" but he never finished his sentence.

Right then, a large flying pig came crashing through the trees. It quickly took the taco in its tiny little hooves and flew away.

"NO!" James and Jasper yelled in unison.

So much for filling that belly.

* * *

A/N: Well, just something that I spent a few minutes on… hope you liked it.


	3. Taco Vengeance

**A/N: This is the final chapter. Will Jasper get his taco? Read on to find out.**

* * *

**Taco Vengeance**

The Hunger Games mattered no more.

It was the flying pig that had taken over Jasper's thoughts.

Stupid pig. Stupid, blubbery, fat-winged pig. It had left Jasper with nothing.

NOTHING, I SAY!

But still, life went on.

Jasper no longer hopped and skipped and jumped through the forest, but instead walked.

He just walked.

TOO NORMAL, I SAY!

But Jasper didn't have the energy to do anything else. Not only was his heart melted by the loss of his taco, but his belly was empty, too.

TOO HUNGRY, I SAY!

Fuck that pig.

Jasper planned to track that pig down, and get his taco back. But he had no energy.

EAT THE OTHER TRIBUTES, I SAY!

Ok, so Jasper thought of that one first.

Jasper went on a mad hunt, eating everything that was in his path.

He ate a tree.

He ate a flower.

He ate an old lady who was crossing a street.

He tracked down some of the other tributes.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The cannon hurt Jasper's ears. So he used his hands to cover them.

But, since his hands were busy blocking out cannon booms, he couldn't use them to hunt.

So he used his elbows instead.

He kicked and elbowed and screamed his way through the forest until there were only three tributes left.

Jasper and Edward and James.

Wait, thought Jasper, Hold up.

JAMES?

Fuck.

James had already beaten Jasper once! But this time, Jasper's belly was fuller.

So maybe he had a chance.

Maybe.

Jasper uncovered his ears.

"I be beating you now," he said to James. But James just laughed.

"MWAHAHA! You not be beating James!" he said. "James be better than Jasper!"

But Edward interrupted.

"AH!" he screamed. "A flying pig!"

Edward be crazy? There's no such thing as—

O.M.G.

A FLYING PIG!

The flying pig flew at Edward, knocking him into a pit of poisonous snakes.

Edward screamed, and then it was over.

BOOM!

Poor Edward. He had been the closest thing Jasper had had to a friend in the arena. He had let him kill Bella.

Now he had to avenge Edward _and_ the taco!

"ARRRRRRRRGGGHH!" Jasper yelled as he ran at the pig.

The pig wasn't fast enough. Because Jasper soon caught up with it.

With a HUGE squeal, the pig was dead.

But Jasper couldn't find the taco. But he did find an extremely disturbing something.

Choco fucking taco bits. On the pigs mouth.

"NOOOOO!" said James, as he melted.

District 1 tributes seemed to be good at that.

Jasper couldn't speak. He just stood there in shock.

BOOM! James was dead.

Jasper fell to the ground in sadness.

Poor, poor taco.

And poor, poor Jasper.

All of the sudden, an airship came down from the sky.

Then Jasper realized.

He had won the Hunger Games.

The people in white pulled Jasper onto the airship. Jasper told them he was fine.

Jasper lied.

When he got home, a surprise was waiting for him.

Well, there was a cool house he got to live in.

And in that house?

A WHOLE MOUNTAIN OF CHOCO FUCKING TACOS.

OMFG!

Jasper ate his tacos with glee, and his tummy seemed full again.

So did his heart.

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**A/N: Well, thats the end! I hope you enjoyed! Leave comments, please! and tell everyone! Taco awareness has to be spread! Bye, friends and tacoers! ~Lacy**


	4. Authors Note! Yay!

**A/N: Okay, I know this story is over and crap, but I did submit it to a contest (TwilightRPWritingContest) and it WON some AWARDS! Yay! This be making Lacy happy! Just as happy as Jasper now is! So I thought I might as well tell you guys…**

**Ch. 1- Second Funniest**

**Ch. 2- Funniest**

**Ch. 3- Third Most Creative**

**Yay! Lacy be liking awards! Anyways, that's it for confidence boosters for now. Be seeing you soon!**


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